Mom Guilt: Filling the YOU Cup First and Why It’s important!


July 26, 2018

I’m Tara.
 I'm an influencer strategy expert, the host of Project Influence the Podcast, and the founder of Creator Cube™, a co-creating space for content creators. 
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Gimme that

Being a business owner and a mom can be tough at times. Honestly it can be tough a lot of times. Your attention is spread so thin that you start to wonder if you’re really giving enough to anyone. The kids need you, your hubs needs you, your clients need you, the dishes need you, the dog needs you, and then….you forget, pretty quickly I might add, who really needs YOU the most. Bet you can’t guess who that is……

Yep. It’s You. YOU NEED YOU! Say it with me! I NEED TO BE TAKEN CARE OF BY ME!

Ya’ll this is important. Way more important than any workout plan, recipe, scraped knee, client email, empty dog food bowl, and even, YES even more important than that PTA meeting and that never ending to do list.

Think about it. How can you give enough to any one thing that you are responsible for if you are not filling your own cup first? I know it may sound selfish or reckless, or even wrong to some. But…. I’ve learned the hard way that trying to tackle my responsibilities as a parent, a wife, a coach, a business owner, even a community member…. things start to slip. Something has got to give and… unfortunately it’s usually the thing that needs the most attention… YOU.

You are the leader of your domain. Whether that is in your business or in your home. People depend on you to be at your best and YOU signed up for giving your best. It’s just how it is. But… here’s the tricky part. You have to understand that to lead, to run your business (and if you are a SAHM… your home is your business ;)…….  YOU have to put yourself first. PERIOD.

As women we are strong and resilient and can handle growing humans inside of us while simultaneously raising other little humans all while doing dishes and making sure the dog gets walked. It’s pretty freaking AMAZING if you ask me.

Ready for another curve ball. As if you don’t do enough already….. There’s that little voice that tells you that you not only need to do it all but that you need to LOOK amazing while you do it! Yeah. I know. Who comes up with this stuff…

OK… Before I get too far into this I do want to mention that a lot of us, including me, have pretty kick ass husbands who HELP a lot! I’m in no way not acknowledging them. But… if you are like me you still feel the need to do it all. Well, at the very least supervise it all. 😉

And that leads me to my next point. I’m not suggesting that you take stuff off your plate. I’m not even suggesting that you stop managing things the way you want them managed. I’m suggesting that you carve some time out ONLY for you so that you can be the superwomen you want to be!

When I think of all the things that I GET to do in a day I feel energized by what I can take on and handle. Not because I have to but because I choose to. It’s empowering knowing that I can run a business and household all while feeling good and looking good. I choose to make the time to do the things that will make me feel good so I can show up as the best possible ME and be a good LEADER! And yes… If you are a mother you are a LEADER of your household.

Alright so what the heck am I talking about when I say take care of yourself. Well, that kind of depends on you and what fills you up! For me, it’s fitness, it’s travel, it’s experiencing things with my little family. It’s also small things like getting a pedicure, drinking my morning coffee on the patio before the kiddos wake up, or enjoying a glass of wine with my husband when we get the kids in bed.

These things might not sound that monumental. You might think. Well… I do those things too. When I have time. And that’s the ISSUE. The trick here is to do those things first! You must fill your cup before you can fill others. It’s the secret sauce baby. I PROMISE!!

Now, I’m not suggesting that you look at the list above and go cray… don’t be all… “Hey fam, Tara said I should travel more…. so peace out. I’ll be in Cabo for two weeks” :)) Ummm… interesting…. but that probably wouldn’t work out well. Let me give you some more practical starting points…..

  1. Start Small. If your family is used to you being at their beck and call. They’ll prob freak out if you go to Cabo. Try carving out 1 hour a few times a week as YOU time. Read, go for a walk, WORKOUT ;), take a bubble bath, do something that relaxes you. Let them know that it’s your time and you will be a better mommy, wife, etc… because of it!
  2. Try different things to find out what gets you jazzed up. Maybe you like yoga, maybe you like swimming, maybe you like underwater basket weaving and you just don’t know it yet! Use your time to figure out what will recharge your batteries!
  3. Some moms feel guilty about taking “ME TIME” if this is you… maybe try to get some other moms involved. You can share the guilt and the wine! 😉 but for real. You should not feel guilty. This is so that YOU can be a better YOU. It is the best thing you can do for your little indians. PROMISE
  4. Once you get the hang of what it feels like to recharge… start to up level it. If going for a run feels good. Maybe training for your first 5k will be even better! If your weekly book club is what you’re looking forward to all week… plan a weekend getaway girls trip next! The possibilities are endless!

Any guilt that you are harboring for taking time for yourself will melt away. Phrases like “oh I wish I had the time”, and “one day when things slow down”, or “maybe when the kids are out of school”…… these sayings will start to disappear as you realize that YOU are a priority and that YOU are no good to anyone tired, worn out, sad, anxious, or out of balance. Make you a priority and all the things will fall into to place!

I recently took a weekend trip all by myself and it was just what I needed to recharge! Not far, just a two hour drive to Austin… one of my favorite cities. There’s something about Austin. You feel like you’re in another country when you get there. The vibe, the streets, the people, the whole place is super laid back and just relaxing. I stayed at a fab downtown hotel, walked to Wanderlust yoga each morning bright and early. Um… this place.

If you are ever in Austin you must try it out. They have a yoga + weights class that is uber hard! Such a fun class!! Spent my days at a cool coffee shop on the lake getting all the writing done for my summer program!! Had an amazing dinner with a friend, went canoeing on the lake and just spent time enjoying the city!! It was a quick trip and did just the trick! Recharged is an understatement! I know that this is the kind of thing I need to do, so  I do it!

Get on the rest, recharge, refresh TRAIN. I promise you won’t regret it! :))

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  1. […] your own self-care before you can take care of anyone else’s needs. I talk a lot about that HERE if you need some ideas. Assuming you’re up to speed on the concept of self-care to promote health […]

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